i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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