You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize