Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I came so hard my ears popped.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
