can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
