He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My feet surprised me
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