You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
