Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
