dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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