It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
