I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
