My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
