sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
