tell your sister to shave her snatch
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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