You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
