can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
