He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
