You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
