You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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