how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
