I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she told me i tasted like america
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
