Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
