I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
