There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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