some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
