saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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