so that wasnt chicken after all
well you can't waste a boner
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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