Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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