Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
