Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
