Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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