Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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