Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
