Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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