she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
