Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
