your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I could punch you in the face.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
