Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
