I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
