That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
