Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize