i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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