6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
