i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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