I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize