there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
