Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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