As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
