What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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