im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
