420 ftw
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
