everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
