"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
