only if we run a train.
done.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
