woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
