3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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