I'm jealous of your bromance
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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