I think i peed on brittanys purse
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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