my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
