The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
