dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
