her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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