If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
