Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
