Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
