I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
