So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
