I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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