She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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