Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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