I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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