Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
