I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
