i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
