My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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