ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
