bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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