Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
