So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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