my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I FOUND THE LEGS
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
