I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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