Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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