Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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