he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
