I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Less talking, more tequila
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
