I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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