Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
