He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
