HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
