Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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