I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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