after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
