tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
