Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
