It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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