What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We got so high we made milksteak
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
