walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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