It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think people are normalizing furries
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
