Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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