Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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