So drunk its hurt
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
