There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize