Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
there is glitter all over my balls
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
