I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
