I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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