apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
