oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
