cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
smell my finger.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize