I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
