i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
