the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
