I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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