I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
