When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
